Good week for:
Louie the Lobster, after the 22-pound crustacean, believed to be 132 years old, was released into the Atlantic Ocean after spending the past two decades in a tank at a Long Island restaurant.
Straight talk, after a Russian Orthodox Church leader who’s friends with Vladimir Putin declared that men should stop shaving to “protect themselves from homosexuality.” Metropolitan Kornily said, “The Lord created everyone with a beard,” and that shaving makes men weak and effeminate.
Extreme makeovers, after Mattel unveiled its updated line of Ken dolls featuring two body types, seven different skin tones, and nine new hairstyles, including cornrows, a fade, and a man bun. ■