Late Night Tackles President Trump
October 29, 2019

President Trump attended Game 5 of the World Series on Sunday, and he did not receive a warm welcome from the fans at Nationals Park, The Late Show noted Monday, adding in a singalong for extra flair.

"It has been a long time since Donald Trump faced anything other than a crowd of hand-picked supporters — and I have a feeling it's going to be a while before he does that again," Stephen Colbert said. Yes, "the president of the United States got booed while watching the national pastime," he said, comparing that humiliation to "getting kicked in the nuts by an apple pie."

Jimmy Kimmel gave a play-by-play of Trump's reaction to being booed. "Watch how happy he is when he notices he's onscreen," he said on Kimmel Live, "and then the boos come in." Clearly "it was not a friendly crowd for Trump, there were a number of 'Impeach' signs in the crowd and the fans even broke into their own version of one of his favorite chants," Kimmel said. "You know he's going to be throwing himself a big rally in Alabama after that to make him feel great again. But it was a better weekend than most of them for the president," he added, because Islamic State leader "Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is Bagh-dead-i now."

This is just "another sign of how much of a roller coaster Trump's presidency has been," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. Between Friday and Sunday night, "he went from a low of his personal lawyer butt-dialing a reporter to the high of killing the world's most-wanted terrorist, and then that same day, back to the low of getting booed at the World Series."

After the crowd started booing, "Trump turned to Melania and was like, 'Wow, they really don't like you,'" Jimmy Fallon joked at The Tonight Show. "Some people thought heckling Trump was disrespectful, then every outfielder who's every played in New York, Boston, or Philly was like, 'Toughen up, buttercup. I'm getting hit with D-cell batteries for nine innings.'" Watch below. Peter Weber

October 25, 2019

President Trump said Wednesday he's building his border wall in Colorado, and the mockery came fast and wide.

"So late last night he tweeted '(Kiddlingly) We're building a wall in Colorado,'" apparently trying to pass his geography flub off as a joke, Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. The tape showed otherwise, but Colbert was feeling generous. "Now as a fellow comedian, I get what he's doing here," he deadpanned. "Before a joke, it's very important to kick off the joke by saying 'Kiddingly.'"

"Trump wishes the Democrats were 'kiddingly' about impeachment," he said, shifting gears and explaining why House Republicans' "desperate, cynical" storm-the-SCIF stunt was even sillier than first believed. "But even the Republican sham argument that the whole thing is a sham might be about to crumble, because House Democrats plan to make the impeachment probe public as soon as mid-November, just in time to ruin Thanksgiving. 'Hi, Aunt Margaret, can you pass the turkey?' 'Trump was right about Turkey and Ukraine! Witch hunt! You want gravy with your honey-baked scam, buddy?!?'"

The Tonight Show's Jimmy Fallon started his monologue with "a special shout-out to all our viewers watching from the Colorado-Mexico border." He read Trump's "(kiddingly)" clean-up tweet and shook his head: "Well, that clears it up. There you go! Forget immigrants, I think we need to deport Trump's English teacher. Today at the White House, Trump participated in ceremony in honor of the Hindu holiday Diwali. Things got off to a rough start when Trump told everyone 'We're going to build Diwali in Colorado.'"

"Trump wants to build a wall in Colorado — even worse, he's going to make New Mexico pay for it." James Corden joked at The Late Late Show. "Colorado has legal weed, delicious craft breweries, some of the best skiing in the county — this will be the first time Americans are trying to get over that wall into Colorado." Watch below. Peter Weber

October 16, 2019

"Since taking office in 2017, Donald Trump now made more than 13,000 false or misleading claims — that doesn't even count the ones he tells Melania at home," Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday's Kimmel Live. "He's averaging an incredible 13.5 false claims per day — that's like a lie per Diet Coke for him." Thirteen thousand is a lot of times to do anything, "although in fairness to Trump, most of the lies are the same four lies over and over again," he said: "The wall's being built, he's done more than any president, he hasn't done anything illegal, and he's a stable genius. Maybe we should stop counting these."

Seriously, "counting lies makes us sound like nerds," Kimmel said, and "it doesn't change anyone's mind. I mean, what's the plan? Trump's gonna hit 15,000 and suddenly your uncle will say, 'Mah, okay, I'm for Elizabeth Warren now'? It's not going to happen."

"This Ukraine storm is not letting up," Kimmel said. "We learned from testimony yesterday that Trump's former national security adviser, John Bolton, was so concerned about Trump's little arm-twist in Ukraine" he told his top Russia expert to report it to White House lawyers, and he called Rudy Giuliani "a hand grenade" and said "he would not be part of whatever 'drug deal' Trump's team was 'cooking up' in Ukraine. And this is surprising, because I mean who could have predicted that this guy was unhappy with Trump," he deadpanned, teeing up a photo montage of Bolton glaring at Trump from various angles.

Kimmel also laughed at Sean Spicer's latest dance with the stars and briefly explained the Syria situation to Trump daughter-in-law Lara Trump, who said on Fox News that Americans don't even know who the Kurds are. Watch below. Peter Weber

September 24, 2019

World leaders gathered in New York for the United Nations General Assembly, and "President Trump is here, too," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. "To welcome him, New Yorkers have spent the last three years crowbarring his name off of all the buildings." At last year's U.N. General Assembly, Trump's speech "brought joy to the whole world," he reminded everyone, showing the laugh Trump got when he bragged about his accomplishments. "Now Mr. President, I want to assure you that they weren't laughing at you — it's the U.N., they were laughing à toi."

"We don't know what Trump's gonna say tomorrow, but last week he gave us a little bit of a preview," Colbert said, recapping an odd conversation Trump had with reporters aboard Air Force One. "Maybe Trump will be a bigger hit with the foreigners, because he is not winning any popularity contests here. His approval rating has never been, his entire presidency, it has never been above 50 percent, and he is way underwater with women, Hispanics, African-Americans, in the suburbs, in the cities, in a box, with a fox, in a house, with a mouse, they do not like him here or there, they do not like him anywhere. They do not like the orange man, they miss the guy who said 'Yes we can.'"

If you want to know what happened Monday at the U.N., Colbert can't help — he pre-taped this show due to the Emmys — but he did have an amusing analysis of Trump's love-hate relationship with Sir Elton John and a small teaser of his interview with Sir Paul McCartney. Watch below. Peter Weber

September 20, 2019

"Remember a couple of years ago, when [President] Trump first got into office, we were all so nervous that Donald Trump was some sort of sleeper agent who was going to sell America out to a foreign power behind our backs?" Stephen Colbert asked on Thursday's Late Show. "Well, it's Throwback Thursday!" He ran through the outline of the whistleblower complaint that over the summer, Trump made a very troubling "promise" to an unknown "foreign leader." Colbert saw the silver lining: "Thank God Trump never keeps his promises."

"Trump denies he did anything wrong," Colbert said, reading the tweet. "Very good point: What kind of moron would think you would make an inappropriate offer to a foreign country while you were being recorded?" He let Trump answer that, then played a game to try and figure out what Trump promised to which leader. But it turns out, according to The New York Times, that the complaint actually involves a "series of actions" Trump took. "Oh, a series?" Colbert said. "Great. Now we can binge-watch the end of America."

This story is "stunning," Late Night's Seth Meyers said. "Now, we don't know which foreign leader this is, and this is a complicated story, so just to help you follow along, we put together a helpful little mnemonic device. Remember: It's a [P]romise from the [U]nited States made by [T]rump to an [I]nternational leader, but we do not know their [N]ame. Could be anyone." (It actually appears to be somebody in Ukraine.)

Meyers also answered Trump's question about whether he would say something "inappropriate" to a foreign leader over the phone: "It's not that we're dumb enough to believe it, it's that we're smart enough to believe you're dumb enough to do it." Still, Trump "probably feels like he has impunity to do whatever he wants because so far he's faced almost no consequences," he said, making his case for impeachment. Watch below. Peter Weber

September 10, 2019

President Trump tweeted Saturday night that he was calling off peace talks with the Taliban and disinviting them from a secret Camp David summit. "Yes, Donald Trump invited the Taliban to Camp David the weekend before 9/11," Stephen Colbert noted on Monday's Late Show. "That's like... there's nothing that's like that. That is only that, nothing else is like that. Does Donald Trump not know what 9/11 is?"

Trump was reportedly willing to overlook the bad optics and ignore the advice from his top advisers because he was so taken with the idea of sealing a landmark peace agreement at historic Camp David. "So he wanted the praise for a diplomatic achievement that he didn't achieve," Colbert recapped. "Clearly he's a shoo-in for the Nobel Participation Prize — if you had fun, you won, everybody gets a hug!"

"Only Trump would brag about a meeting he didn't have," Jimmy Kimmel said at Kimmel Live. "Donald Trump invited the Taliban to Camp David! Three days before 9/11! Next month he's taking al Qaeda to Six Flags." This time, even "the Republican establishment is not behind our dangerously dimwitted president," Kimmel said. "But the only one who actually spoke out publicly was the 212-year-old host of The 700 Club," Pat Robertson.

"So instead of meeting with the Taliban yesterday, Trump spent the day lashing out at John Legend and Chrissy Teigen — for real," he said, reading Trump's tweet-attack on Legend and his "filthy mouthed wife." Right, he deadpanned, "we can't have all these 'filthy mouthed' women around — the Taliban is coming over, guys!"

"Chrissy Teigan's response was too vulgar for the news to repeat," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "Luckily, we're not the news." Still, while Trump's beef with celebrities is entertaining, his beef with the Taliban "might actually have major, real-world consequences."

Noah recapped what we think actually happened with Trump scuttling a long-sought, nearly complete peace deal: "So the Taliban refused to come to America, and Trump tweeted out 'No, I'm breaking up with you guys,' and so there is a possibility that the war in Afghanistan will continue now because Trump has put a photo opportunity above peace." Watch below. Peter Weber

September 5, 2019

Hurricane Dorian devastated the Bahamas and is bearing down on South Carolina, and Stephen Colbert offered his thoughts and vetted charities if any viewers want to help those hurt by the massive storm. Then he turned to President Trump, who "is trying to help the only way he knows, by being an old man yelling at wind," he said on Wednesday's Late Show. "But Trump isn't interested in where the storm is going to go. He wanted to talk more about where the storm was going to go," and he brought a visual aid.

"Why, you ask, did Trump show a map with an outdated projection of Dorian's path instead of one showing where the storm actually went?" Colbert asked — and answered, noting Trump's repeated (and repeatedly debunked) assertion that Alabama was in Dorian's path. "Take a closer look at Trump's outdated map from last Thursday morning: He used a Sharpie to extend the path into Alabama — he gave the storm a boob job!"

Obviously, "that's an insane thing to do, but it could literally be a criminally insane thing," Colbert said, citing "a lot of wonks online" who pointed to a law prohibiting knowingly issuing false forecasts issued by the Weather Bureau. "Now because of the fact that the president misinterpreted where the water would go, I'm calling this scandal 'Water-gate' — trademark." He explained why Trump's denial of involvement didn't hold water, either.

"I know I say this every night, but this is a crazy story," Jimmy Kimmel said at Kimmel Live, showing Trump displaying his doctored map. "So the question is: Who at the White House would do this? Could it be someone who loves Sharpies?" Trump "really must think we're a bunch of idiots," he said. "I bet he thinks, like, 'Hey, they elected me president, let's see what other dumb cr-p they'll go for!'"

Kimmel also examined a priest in Nashville who banned Harry Potter from a Catholic school library, Trump's diversion of $3.6 billion in military construction funds to build his "Taj Ma-wall," and some truly disturbing deep fakes. Watch below. Peter Weber

September 4, 2019

Hurricane Dorian "is no joke," Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday's Kimmel Live, "unless, of course, you're part of the graphics at FOX 5 in New York." That portrayal of Dorian was unfortunate, but Kimmel said the most interesting take on the storm came from "a random guy in Florida" who, like President Trump, wanted to use military assets to neuter hurricanes. "Trump just named him director of FEMA," he deadpanned.

Kimmel ran through all the times in the past three years Trump has said he'd never heard of a Category 5 hurricane. "He has the memory and skin tone of a goldfish, this man."

"Since we left for vacation, the president canceled a trip to Poland to monitor Dorian from his golf course in Virginia, tweeted 514 times, tried to buy Greenland and threw a fit when they wouldn't sell it, suggested firing a nuclear missile at a hurricane," Kimmel said, "attacked Grace from Will and Grace — Debra Messing — predicted Sean Spicer will do great on Dancing With the Stars, congratulated Poland on the anniversary of the Nazi invasion, fired his longtime assistant who reportedly got drunk and told journalists that Trump doesn't like to photographed with his daughter Tiffany because he believes her to be overweight, and wished a happy birthday to Regis."

Meanwhile, Vice President Mike Pence and his family are currently in Ireland on official business, and they are staying at Trump's golf resort in Doonbeg, 180 miles away from his official business in Dublin. "Trump apparently suggested Pence stay at his hotel while he's there, and Pence said 'Woof woof,' which is his way of saying yes," Kimmel said. "You think Mike Pence would eat dog food if Trump told him to? I bet he would. But the vice president's visit to Doonbeg is historic: It is the first time a Trump property has ever stayed at a Trump property." Watch below. Peter Weber

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