The Daily Show goes to full-team coverage on the unnatural disaster of Trump's Puerto Rico tweetstorm
"As Hurricane Florence bears down on the East Coast, most people are preparing for the pending disaster," Trevor Noah said on Thursday's Daily Show. "President Trump, on the other hand, is still trying to deal with the disaster he's created for himself" with his morning tweets falsely claiming that only a handful of people were killed in Puerto Rico due to last year's Hurricane Maria, not the official tally of nearly 3,000 deaths. "I think I get what Trump was saying," Noah said. "He's saying he would have won the hurricane if you deduct the thousands of people who died illegally."
"You see, what the president doesn't seem to understand is that the effects of a hurricane last long after the storm has actually passed," Noah said. "This should be pretty easy to understand. Like, the people on the Titanic who froze in the water still died because of the crash. The iceberg wasn't, like 'Yo, I didn't kill nobody, I just scraped some paint off a boat. You can take that other sh-t up with the ocean, man.'"
"So Trump's tweets today were wrong in many ways — factually, morally, grammatically," Noah said, and that's why he got blowback from across the political spectrum. "So now, America isn't just dealing with Hurricane Florence, it also has to deal with Sh-tstorm Donald," he added. And since The Daily Show actually knows how to cover that kind of storm, Noah was joined by Roy Wood Jr., Desi Lydic, and Ronny Chieng for "full-team coverage" of the unnatural disaster emanating from Washington. It is mildly NSFW at times. Watch below. Peter Weber
President Trump's terse 9/11 tweet on Tuesday — "17 years since September 11th!" — "upset a lot of people," Trevor Noah said on The Daily Show. But give the president some credit, he said. "It is the most factually accurate thing Trump has tweeted about in about three months." More to the point, "compared to what Trump normally says about 9/11, today's tweet was a huge step in the right direction," Noah added. "Because Trump has never been able to talk about 9/11, on Twitter or in real life, without being totally weird about it." He ran thorough some of the "bizarre, emotionally out-of-step s--t about 9/11" Trump has said since, well, Sept. 11, 2001, when he focused on how he now had the tallest building in Lower Manhattan.
The Daily Show's Desi Lydic dissected one Trump 9/11 tweet in particular, the 2013 one about "haters and losers," and you can watch that below. Peter Weber
We'll never really know if President Trump could have beat former President Barack Obama in a race — "not a foot race, we know the answer to that question," Trevor Noah clarified on Monday's Daily Show. "But thanks to this year's midterms elections, we get to see what a race between the two of them might have been like." Obama swung first, noting that the great economy started under his watch. "And you know Donald Trump's not gonna stand by and let someone take credit for their own achievements," Noah said, so Trump pushed back "with flair" and, um, bullet points?
"Seeing Trump and Obama back-to-back really shows the contrast between these two," Noah said. "They couldn't be more different. It's like night and day, like ebony and anarchy." He showed some examples. "While most people would prefer a president who's articulate and has a command of the issues, there are times when you have to admit it's definitely more fun to watch Trump," he added. "I could honestly listen to Trump try to say 'anonymous' for the rest of my life."
"Look, I'll be honest, I don't know why Obama's wasting his intellect on Trump," Noah said. "We're living in Trump's world now, right? This is not the time for some well-crafted speech that appeals to our higher nature, this is time for a roast, Obama! Obama should just be on the campaign trail dissing Trump every day, because Trump knows how to deal with nerds. But what he can't handle is swag." He tried out some Trump zingers in Obama's voice.
Noah also addressed the Serena Williams imbroglio at the U.S. Open, and the "convoluted conversation" about whether she was treated the same as male tennis players. "It's got to be equal one way or the other," he said. "Either everyone fights or everyone gets punished." He voted for fighting. Watch below. Peter Weber
The confirmation hearings of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh have been most notable for what Kavanaugh has refused to say: what he believes to be the correct law on abortion rights, gay rights, same-sex marriage, presidential executive authority, immigration, and a host of other timely subjects. "One of the major concerns with Brett Kavanaugh is that Trump might have nominated him specifically because Kavanaugh believes sitting presidents shouldn't be subpoenaed or indicted," Trevor Noah said on Thursday's Daily Show. "And some people are worried that Kavanaugh might even have made a deal with Trump's [former] personal lawyer, Marc Kasowitz, basically saying we'll put you on the court if you promise to protect the president from Robert Mueller."
"Now, we don't know if Kavanaugh actually met with Trump's lawyer, but when California Sen. Kamala Harris asked him about it yesterday, Kavanaugh did himself no favors," Noah said, playing part of their intense and kind of bizarre back-and-forth. "Wow, Kavanaugh did not look good in that exchange. It's like if they asked a suspect at a murder trial, 'Where were you on the night of the 13th?' and he was like, 'Uhhh, where shouldn't I have been? Wherever the murder happened, that's where I was.'" Noah was not persuaded by Kavanaugh hiding behind "precedent" to avoid answering questions on abortion rights, but he was impressed with Harris' pointed question to him on that subject.
In Thursday's hearings, Kavanaugh acknowledged that he was friends with one lawyer at Kasowitz Benson Torres, Ed McNally, but insisted he'd had no "inappropriate conversations about that investigation with anyone." A spokesman for the law firm said Thursday that "there have been no discussions regarding Robert Mueller's investigation between Judge Kavanaugh and anyone at our firm." Theoretically, any conversation of the Mueller investigation Kavanaugh had with Kasowitz's firm could be grounds for him to have to recuse himself in any case involving the Trump-Russia investigation. Peter Weber
"It is one of the great ironies of all time that the Trump presidency has given us more books than ever before," Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show. The latest to land with a splash is Unhinged, by former Apprentice contestant and Trump White House aide Omarosa Manigault Newman, who has been on tour claiming the president is a lying, racist dotard. "Omarosa! How can you say that about the president ... three years after we all said that about the president!?!" Noah asked. "Seriously, though? Omarosa had to spend a year in the White House to learn that Donald Trump doesn't know what he's doing? I can't wait for her next book, Donald Trump: Something's Wrong With His Hair."
But the "juicy part" of the story is that Omarosa was making secret tapes of her White House colleagues, Noah said. She's released two recordings, of White House Chief of Staff John Kelly firing her in the Situation Room and of President Trump feigning surprise at her firing the next day. "You know, for a man who lies as much as Trump, you think he'd be better at it," Noah said. "Now, I'll be honest, what we've heard on the tapes is not particularly shocking. But what is shocking is how many people are secretly recording the president of the United States all the time! So many people are walking around the White House wearing a wire, I'm surprise there aren't just feedback loops happening to everyone. ... Like, there just needs to be a Grammy category for these at this point" — "Best Contemporary Presidential Spying."
To illustrate how Omarosa's secret taping might actually make her look worse than her taped subjects, Ronny Chieng came out and played his own secret recordings of his Daily Show colleagues talking about Noah. Watch below. Peter Weber
Trevor Noah explains how Trump's anti-immigration creep is like a communicable disease, 'Donaldrrhea'
President Trump has always had it out for immigrants, "and who can blame him?" Trevor Noah joked on Wednesday's Daily Show. "They're responsible for two of his worst marriages." But he used to only target illegal immigrants. Not any more, thanks to a new proposal from White House senior policy adviser Stephen Miller. Miller "is an evil genius," Noah said. "Because you see what he's done, right? They're saying the U.S. won't allow legal immigrants to stay in the U.S. if they've ever used what they call 'public assistance.' And what's interesting is that that description ranges from food stamps all the way through to ObamaCare — which, by the way, you had to get by law. So thanks, Obama. Some of us don't want to go back to Kenya."
"Under this new policy, they can kick you out for breaking the law, or they could kick you out for following the law," Noah said, recapping how Trump has shifted his policy from going after "bad hombres" to good people who enter the U.S. illegally to, now, immigrants who are here legally. Trump also wants to scrap the 14th amendment, so people born in the U.S. don't automatically get citizenship, he noted. "I know a lot of people always think that Trump's immigration 'policy' won't affect them. But here's the way you've got to think of it: Trump's immigration policies are a lot like an STD. It can get to anybody, no matter who you are or where you come from. And the more people it spreads to, the more likely it is that you'll be the next one to get Donaldrrhea."
On Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kimmel pointed out that, if you believe his words, "Donald Trump loves every kind of people," and he had the clips to prove it. Watch below. Peter Weber
Trevor Noah dissects GOP Rep. Jim Jordan's lame, puzzling 'locker room' defense against abuse complicity
Speaker of the House is one of the most powerful positions in the U.S. government, and Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) "is quitting in January because he wants to spend more time with his backwards-hat collection," Trevor Noah said on Wednesday's Daily Show. So House Republicans will need a new leader, "and while they have many options, there's one name that's getting more attention than most": Rep. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio). Before he announced his Sean Hannity–endorsed bid for speaker, Jordan was already in the news for trying to impeach Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein — and also for a scandal at his old workplace, Ohio State University.
When Jordan was an assistant wrestling coach at Ohio State, Noah said, "we're just now learning that one of his trademark moves may have been enabling sexual abuse" by a university doctor. "Wow, turning a blind eye to rampant sexual abuse of the kids you're supposed to be protecting — I'm sorry, it doesn't get more scumbag than that," he said. "And if these allegations are true, then Jim Jordan is basically Joe Paterno Part 2. ... Obviously these are just allegations, but Congressman Jordan's defense doesn't sound very convincing."
So the wresters "told Jordan about the abuse, and he didn't think it counted because they were in a locker room?" Noah paraphrased. "What is it with these guys and locker rooms? It just feels like nothing you say matters in there. Like, you know what I feel like I'm gonna do? I'm just going to start carrying a locker room around with me. Then I can say whatever I want." Maybe House Republicans are standing behind Jordan because he's an upgrade from former GOP House Speaker Dennis Hastert, who later admitted to sexually abusing boys he was coaching in wrestling, Noah mused, suggesting Jordan adopt that as his campaign pitch. He even made an ad for Jordan to use. Watch below. Peter Weber
Since White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked to leave a Virginia restaurant last weekend, "the big debate in America has been: Do government officials have the right to be left alone when they're off the clock?" Trevor Noah said on Tuesday's Daily Show. On Monday, he noted that Trump officials are getting a helpful taste of what it's like to be a minority, but now he looked at the idea that government officials should be left alone, in the name of "civility" and "tolerance" — a common refrain from cable news pundits. "These people have more amnesia than the characters in a Lifetime movie," he sighed.
Noah pooh-poohed the argument that Trump officials should just be protested during work hours, "as if the administration's policies only work from 9 to 5. It's not like when the White House staff goes home every night, all of a sudden everyone in America is like, 'Woo-hoo! I have health care back until 9 a.m. tomorrow!'" The restaurant wasn't protesting Sanders, a private citizen with opinions, but rather the government she represents. "Basically, people in power would like to be insulated from the effects of their actions," Noah said. "But if you're in a position where you can influence other people's lives, you shouldn't be shocked when you hear from the people whose lives you affect."
Also, calls for "civility" always tend to come from people in a position of privilege, understandably, Noah said. "The person winning in Monopoly is never the person flipping the board." And he pointed out that the nonviolent-protest icons we're supposed to emulate — Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King Jr. — their protests weren't exactly welcomed at the time, either. "All I'm saying is, what happened to Sarah Huckabee Sanders isn't nice, but as a government official, people protesting your policies is part of the job," he said. Watch below. Peter Weber